| (no subject) |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|02:37 pm] |
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I'm pretty new.
I'm Maria!
AGE: 19
HEIGHT: 5'4
CW: 138 lbs
HW: 160 lbs
LW: 120 lbs
GW 1: 115 lbs
I'm bipolar and I went on huge mood swing spiral for a year and did a bunch of destructive things I regret. I was down to 115 before I started spiraling and with all the stress I packed on 30 pounds. I feel disgusting right now. School recently stopped for me so I'm going to try to make an effort to lose the weight fast. |
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| Today |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|11:14 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I feel emotionally confused and frustrated....
I'm so physically exhausted. Mentally drained. Worn down.... oh what to say and do?
How are you ladies today? |
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| Bah Hum Bug. |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|09:24 am] |
"As we approach this holiday season is there any rhyme or reason?
That good will shouldn't abound?
To and through us the whole year round?"
I'm new.. please explain how this works?
My name is Raelynn
& I'm 16 from Iowa.
So today is interesting..
I've been making a copy of the starry night night painting by Van Gogh & its a lot harder then I thought. :P I finally got more paint.
So far today I've had half of a light yoplait yogurt.
I just had to place something in my stomach so people would stop asking if I was hungry >.<
Adam is getting a cell phone today.. his grandparents offered to pay for it.
So all day he's been bouncing around like a 6 year old in a toy store.
its cute & extremely annoying.. because not only does he not need it but now he'll never place it down & I'm slightly jealous because mine is still turned off.
I actually need mine on for a job and for when i'm coming to and from classes in the snow.. & tomorrow we're going to have an extremely shitty snow storm and i'm not looking forward to it at all.
Oh well.
-shoots self-
I think i'm getting sick. I've been extremely cold all day and my throat hurts and my nose is all runny.
eww.
i'm also still lacking sleep. :(
I most likely wont be able to update till after january 4th. I'll be all over the united states.
So I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday.
Stay safe, Stay warm... but remember think thin, keep your goals don't let yourselves down :)
you can do it.
Much love.Stay strong.
(whisper)-Merry Christmas-(whisper)
:)
xoxo.raelynn.xoxo. |
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| Twenty seventh day of challenge |
[Dec. 22nd, 2009|05:43 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cold | ] |
Food - 0/2 estimate of i don't know how many calories kept down. this is not filling the void. it is making the void that much larger..
Water - 2/2
Exercise - 2/2 worked out for 6 hours
Journaling/Posting - 2/2 yepyepyep
Daily Self Esteem Challenge - 2/2 i shaved, had a nice long shower, relaxed (i MADE myself sit and watch gossip girl. i can't remember the last time i sat for more than half an hour at a time.. lol) and did my eyebrows. i was thinkin of dying my hair again, but i can't decide on what colour.. any suggestions? |
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| Day 3 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|11:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  content | ] |
omigod i was 117.6 this morning!!! i began last month at 127-128!!! THANK GOD! the master cleanse is what works for me to get past that hump that is so hard for me. i can definitely see and feel a change today from yesterday in my face. yay cheekbones that i haven't seen in forever. i'm 2.4lbs away from my first goal of 115, then hopefully 113. i plan on doing the lemonade fast for one more full day if possible then i fly home for xmas to face the holidays and try to keep it off.
f-2/2 lemonade
w-2/2
p-2/2
e-2/2 (walked and shopped for 12hrs today all day!)
c-2/2 bought a new blouse and sweater for myself. love feeling skinny in nnew cute clothes. :)
3,10,30 |
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| day 18 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|10:07 pm] |
food: 2/2
water: 2/2
exercise: 2/2 (60 mins stationary bike)
post: 2/2
challenge: 2/2
total: 10/10 :)
numbers: 18/5/168
a ten point day! those seem to be rare these days so i am very happy. the five pound loss may be inaccurate cause i haven't checked the scale in awhile. hopefully i'm still 129. i still feel the same, and i can usually tell when i put on even the smallest bit of weight after losing some. i'll be checking tomorrow morning. hope everyone's day was good today, xx |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|11:22 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  depressed | ] |
Fail!
I don't understand. I don't get it. Why is food so freaking important to people? It's disgusting! And having it forced down your throat makes it so much worse... I cannot stand people jumping in the middle of things and forcing me to eat.
This morning my mom and I were home together and she made me eat. Then she went to the store, my dad came home, and he made me eat! And I mean literally made me eat. WTF?!?!? I'm 22 years old for God's sake! And it couldn't be something healthy.... Oh no. It had to be full of fat and starch and calories! There's no way I'm going to be able to work it all off! YUCK! I was able to get rid of some of it, but not nearly enough.
Tomorrow I work a double, so I'll be at work all day. That means a full and total fast. And not a minute too soon. I'll be on my feet from 10 am until at least 7 pm, so that should work off some of the nastiness that I was forced to take in today. My last weigh in yesterday was at 126.5. I'm still a cow at that weight, and I'm sure I'm up from that considerably.
Part of me wishes I didn't care so much about my weight and my size. I wish I could be normal and not care. But then part of me thinks of what I would be like if that were the case and it makes me sick. This back and forth thing in my head is going to be the death of me. It keeps me locked up inside myself so alone... Even when I'm with someone I'm alone. I don't have much of anything in common with anyone I meet. I can't seem to connect. I'm alone in my head and it seems that no one on the outside can understand me.
I fear that I am doomed to be disgusting, heartbroken, and alone the rest of my life..... :-/ |
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| Day 1 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|09:56 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | sad | ] |
Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2
Journaling/Posting: 2/2
Daily Self Esteem Challenge: 2/2 |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|06:19 pm] |
So I was browsing through the community tags, and decided to read the one post tagged with "Topamax".
I'm on Topamax 100mg 2x/day.
The person commented on how it helped them binge less. I to have noticed that I binge less since I've been on Topamax.
I never thought of Topamax even being helpful in preventing binge eating.
Thought I should bring this up for anybody who may have serious bingeing issues. |
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| Day 5 + 6 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|08:53 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
| [ | music |
| | New Order | ] |
Day 5 Food: 2/2 -- Ate very clean and in the 1200 cal range
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2 walked a mile in the unploughed snow to my car and cleaned it off
Posting: 1/2 Posting 1 day late:(
Challenge: 2/2 Cleaned my apartment, worked on essays
Day 6
Food: 2/2 -- Ate very clean and in the 1400 cal range (eat more on exercise days) Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2 One hour of intense climbing intervals on the elliptical, lifted shoulders and did cable crunches
Posting: 2/2
Challenge: 2/2 Cleaned my apartment, worked on essays 6/?/56 |
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| Day 17 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|07:48 pm] |
Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2
Post: 2/2
Challenge: 2/2
17/7?/148 ->Is this my first 10-point day, lol? I'm afraid it is! First one in a while anyway :) |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|04:56 pm] |
Ok so I return with another question and some "herbs" I think thats what there classified as.
Question...
I was qoing through my email and this email adress " hosdfggrr1@fastsecurit41.com" invited me to this canadien pharmacy website. No scripts required, Do you guys think it's legit?
It's a bit expensive and not alot of stuff but I'm just curious.
I went to the Vitamine Shoppe(my in-store go to place for diet pills)
( And now the herbs... )
Think the herbs are worth buying and taking? |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|08:50 pm] |
Im going to start this tomoz as its almost bedtimes nows (:
I was just wondering has anyone done the full 28days and roughly how much did you lose?
Im WELL excited ;)
Anyone else starting tomoz? |
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| 19 |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|09:16 pm] |
Food: 2/2
Water: 2/2
Exercise: 2/2
Posting: 2/2
Challenge: 2/2
10/10
19/??/141 |
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| Interesting thought for a diet?! |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|12:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  cranky | ] |
3 a Day Fruit Diet
Breakfast:
1 piece of high-carb fruit (banana, large pear, ½ mango)
total: varies
Lunch:
1 piece high-fiber fruit (apple, plums, ½ cup berries)
total: varies
Dinner:
1 piece citrus fruit (orange, small grapefruit, tangerine, 2 clementines)
total: varies
total: 220- 310 calories, 1 gm fat
This "diet" makes me laugh my buns off (please, buns, laugh off).... And I laugh because this would create the WORST amount of gas! Ladies - if you decide that this is the diet for you, you may want to do it on a 3-day weekend at home, when the man isn't around! You will be GAAAASSSSSSSY!
hahahaha! I am still chuckling about this! |
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| Twenty sixth day of challenge |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|02:19 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day - East Jesus Nowhere | ] |
Food - 2/2 estimate of too many calories kept down. UGH. what happened to my motivation?!
Water - 2/2
Exercise - 2/2 worked out for 5 hours
Journaling/Posting - 2/2 i'm pretty sure you're reading this...
Daily Self Esteem Challenge - 2/2 i caught up on some sleep, programed some numbers into my phone and made it a little prettier with a wintery tinkerbell wallpaper <3 and wrappeded up some christmas gifts |
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| Twenty fifth day of challenge |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|02:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| | anxious | ] |
| [ | music |
| | Green Day - East Jesus Nowhere | ] |
Food - 2/2 estimate of no calories. held a 24 hour fast. i know i can do better
Water - 2/2
Exercise - 2/2 worked out for 4 hours
Journaling/Posting - 2/2 yess
Daily Self Esteem Challenge - 2/2 i cleaned the house, did some random organizing and cleaned up some of the random christmas things that were laying around. also picked up decorations that my kittie keeps knocking down from the christmas tree. i'm just waiting for it to fall over ^.^ |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|02:14 pm] |
Alright, I'm serious this time.
Tomorrow I restart. I would have today, except my mom made corn beef and cabbage last night and, though I don't eat meat, the cabbage/potato mixture was just calling to me today. I could have started today, but I want to do it on a good note.
So tonight, 3 hours (hopefully) at the gym to work today off, and tomorrow back to tight portion controls and calorie counting (800-1000), all-liquid diet until after the 25th and hitting the gym every night (except the 24th, 25th, and 31st since they're not open). And I'm not going to do the daily self-esteem challenge, but I'll earn those points by working 2 hours on my artwork every day.
I might buy a new scale, too, and keep it hidden while I'm home to get a jump start on this. I think I'm around 140-150, and I want to be down to about 125 by the end of March. I know seeing how much my fat ass weighs will encourage me to stick to my diet. Gotta look good for my gallery show in April! |
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| hello ladies |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|02:09 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  happy | ] |
ok so i havent had a working scale in a few days now. I havent been to the store to pick up a new battery and the suspense is just killing me. I think i've stayed the same as far as my weight goes....maybe up a pound. Theres been a lot of cooking and baking this weekend although my intake has been limited. I just need to remember every time i lick the cookie dough off my finger it counts more then i realize. Today is different though....even though i didnt get a chance to weigh in i feel heavy. I feel like if i even got close to putting something in my mouth that i would gag. I'm looking forward to the fact that i have a nice long week before any would expect me to eat anything so i'm sure i could lose this feeling by tomorrow. And then Wednesday will be that much better.
So i had a Christmas party at work on Thursday night and i had a blast!! My hubby was at home watching the kids and i got a little tipsy. My boss was teasing me the next morning ...he said there were was a group of guys around me at all times ...i really didnt notice it at first but i guess there was!! Some of them were pretty damn cute too!!! It made me feel good and i soaked up all the attention!! Thanks for always letting me brag about the good stuff and rant about the not so good. Love you ladies! |
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| Day 1 (again) |
[Dec. 21st, 2009|10:55 am] |
I just lost track after not posting for weeks so DAY 1.
I realize that I really need to diet. Im getting really sloppy!!!
To get a 2 for food I cant do any binging, eat no more than 3 meals per day and NORMAL PORTIONS at each meal. NO DESSERT. NONE NONE NONE |
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